Baby Come Back!

She came back! I didn't realize how much I love this woman! There was no one to swat in the morning. No one to pick the alarm clock up off the floor! I guess I'll be nicer to her.

First thing I did when she got home was try to convince her never to leave again. I said, "See Mom, I can fit in the bag and go with you next time!"

See, I even packed my leaf.

The Lady Thinks She's Leaving

Ok, folks... I don't know what's wrong with this lady, but she thinks she's going to spend the night somewhere other than at home in bed with me.





I'm giving it my best effort to keep her confined, but she seems pretty committed to putting stuff in this red thing.


It's on to Plan B. Steal her keys.

I know they're in here somewhere...


If I just keep searching....

Maybe if I bring back one of those leaves she gave me for my birthday, she'll stay.


I'll post again after I find it... now where did I put that leaf?

I Like 'em Big... I Like 'em Crispy

My leaves that is....

I got a new leaf for my birthday. Don't tell the lady, but it was worth wearing the stupid hat.

I love playing with leaves... though the lady won't give me real ones. I look at 'em through the window... all brown and crispy!

My new leaf is plastic, so it won't die.. and it gets a little more height when it's flying down the stairs.

I've been demonstrating a few of those stealth skills I learned in Kitty Prison lately. I stole the lady's koosh ball and put it in my secret location. She kept telling me I couldn't have it. I showed her. I don't care if it was a gift from her daughter. It's in my house! I added my original leaf and my new birthday leaf to the stash. I've been screaming my head off while the lady searches and searches, but she'll never find it. I'm too good.

So, what does she do instead. Give me new stuff. Yep, that's right. If I hide my old toys, she gets me new stuff. Maybe she'll start throwing cash down the stairs next. Then maybe I can pay one of the short people a buck or two to bring me in a real leaf.

I gotta give it to the lady, though. She's finally litter trained. Yep. I said it. Litter trained. I crap, she scoops. She bought me a second litter box for downstairs and put this fancy pants fresh smelling scoopable stuff in it. Ah.... the lap of luxury. I can get with this.

Finally, a place fit for a king!

Peace out,

Max

Happy Birthday to Me!

Apparently, today is my birthday.

Or at least that is what this lady is telling me. I guess "birthday" means that I get the lucky "privilege" of wearing this ridiculous hat. What the heck? Man... you can keep this birthday crap. In fact, speaking of crap... that just might be what you get for making me wear this... I'm starting to feel my inner "Feathers" come out...

Wait... there's more?? Presents... what presents? Now, that I might be able to handle. Look. You get this hat off me and give me those presents and I'll forget about the whole crap thing.

Deal?

Much better...

No Crap for This Cat

King Max Don't Take No Crap!

Alright lady.... We need to have a talk, you and I.

When I crap, you clean it out. Immediately.

I don't crap on crap. I pee on crap. I don't crap on crap. Get it right, or you're going to have a surprize!

Speaking of surprises... I'm sorry about that little accident on the carpet. But, in all fairness, you did leave that cheesy spoon out on the counter for me to find. I like cheese. Cheese don't a like a me so much.

Yeah, yeah... I know... I'm on probation... But, hey... I had three good days since then.

And if you insist on yelling at me... I will insist on limping around acting like I'm wounded until you stop. Yeah, I might be crying wolf... but the one time you don't believe me, I may just be hurt for real and you'll never forgive yourself for not getting down here an checking every one of my little toes!

So, here's the dealie-o. You clean the crap. I'll make new crap. Just for you.

Much love, Max

Human Training 101

These humans have a thing or two to learn. I mean how hard is this concept. I bring you the leaf, you throw it down the stairs. If I beat it, I win. If it beats me, I still win.

Seriously, is that too much to ask? Apparently. So, I've learned to do it myself. If I put the leaf exactly on the edge of the stair... it will fall and I can race it to the bottom.

They keep hiding the treats too. What's up with that? I know they're in the cupboard. As soon as I figure out how to open this thing, they're mine! All mine!!! Bwah ha ha ha! (insert evil laugh).

Until then, I'll just stand here and scream.

Yesterday was pretty cool. I needed some entertainment. The mom left her keys on the stairs. Imagine my amusement when she looked high and low thinking that she misplaced them. Eventually, she saw me hiding, got a clue, and looked under the bed. Darn it! I thought I at least had another 15 minutes before she found 'em.

But, it's all good... I laid out on her work clothes and pushed them on the ground. That was just as entertaining.

The mom also has this issue with the toilet. I don't think that she understands that its MY bathroom. So, when she goes in there, I follow her and act like I'm peeing too... just so she doesn't forget who's boss around here.

That's it for now, my peeps! I'm outie!

- Max

King Max Has Arrived

King Max

Hello to all my peeps out there! This new place in the 'burbs is awesome. I have taken over.

It wasn't that hard. These humans were push overs. I'm working diligently to train the boy and his mama to fetch my toys. I like it best when they throw stuff down the stairs for me to fetch.

I'm a morning cat... and I get a little peeved when the mom doesn't jump up when her alarm clock goes off. Then there's this kneeling thing where she talks to someone called "God." I don't see no one, but it's her thing. It's all right though. While she's down there it give me a chance to bat at her long hair. I like the hair.

And I LOVE the big thing that fills up with water. Last night, the mom got in there and closed this plastic door, so I jumped in too. Then I realized I was getting wet from this big hole in the wall. I don't know what the heck was up with that. But, once she got out, I was free to get back in and lick all the tasty water off the walls. Oh Yeah!

There's another one of these contraptions in the downstairs. It's nice and cool. I was takin' me a little cat nap in there after the mom got outta the "shower." Next thing I know, she's screamin' something about a "sink" and acting like I did something wrong. What the heckie? Doesn't she know this is my house? It's a-ight though. I'll show her whose boss and leave my little kitty prints when she ain't home.

So far so good. King Max has returned. Fabulous and in style!

Much love to my peoples!

- Max

Escape from Prison

Tomorrow, I make my big break from Cat Prison. I've been here for so many months, I can't even count. I got tossed from my old crib for getting in the "catnip." My former owners were dealers and when they found out I was strung out, they tossed me out on the street. Literally... Van Dyke.


So, that's when this copper Patrick busted me and turned me in. They kept me in the joint for quite a while. I was real quiet while I was there. One cat made the mistake of saying I was "quiet as a mouse." What kinda crap is that? Me? A Mouse. Son, I eat mice for breakfast.

Let's just say after they found that kitty, no one ever called me a mouse again. Folks started callin' me "Feathers" instead. Yeah, it was a little fluffy for me, but I learned to cope.

They were good to me here. They helped me get clean and straighten up my act. No longer hittin' the hard stuff. Although, I have been known to get a little crazy for some Meow Mix.

Well, tomorrow, I'm bustin' out. Going to take over a new joint in the burbs.

Had my girl, Amanda P, hook it up for me. I got the telegram today.

Kitty litter, check. Kitty treats, check. Food, check. Ceramic bowls, check. Pooper scooper, check.

Max, no check. But, that will change soon.

I'll keep you posted.

Peace out, Max